Denying 

Identifying Codependency through Spiritual Autobiography

I don't want to continue denying the truth: the truth that I care relentlessly about what other people think. This isn't so much of a problem when someone kind, compassionate and loving is around, but when I'm around angry or demanding people Opinion becomes my lord. I've been trying to pretend that I don't care about people's opinions as much as I do. I can no longer avoid the truth that people rule my life. Facing the truth is my only chance at real integrity. It's my only chance at a life ruled by God.

Do you care about what others think? Is Opinion your Lord? Do people influence and rule your life? The answers to these questions can be a short assessment for codependency. Caring about what others think, having Opinion be your Lord, and finding that people rule your life are characteristics of codependency. Identifying codependency in your relationships is one of the first steps you can take towards overcoming it. We can all identify codependency in our relationships, overcome the influence codependency has over us and celebrate evidence of codependency recovery together. Denying codependency in our lives leaves us stuck in it. Dealing with codependency is an opportunity to enjoy new freedom in our relationships and in our lives.

Who, or what, rules your life? Where do you need God to take over? How is understanding codependency a key to overcoming what is controlling you? Where does God fit into your recovery? How can you celebrate evidence of recovery in your life and in the lives of others? Consider ways that you can come together with others to get support on your journey. Consider finding a place where you can be honest and open about finding freedom from whatever is holding you back. What are your keys for recovery and how are they a part of your spiritual story?

Sharing My Journey 

Identifying codependency in my story:

I thank God for my living angels. They’re all the people I love. They’re all the people who have loved me. When the chips are down they don’t fold. In my crazy, random world they have become my royal flush. They’re the very best hand I’ve been dealt, and it’s a hand I’ve decided that I’m willing to bet my life on. They are, when all else fails, my hope. They are God’s voice when I can’t hear Him anymore.

Today my angels wear roulette wheel dresses. I use playing cards to give voice to some particularly disturbing possibilities. One is no more or less likely than the other. They’re all random and undesirable. My angels speak. They say, “Pick a card, any card.” They don’t give me answers. All they offer are more questions.

My life is full of difficult realities. Accepting my powerlessness over my present situation may seem depressing, but that isn't the case for me. Disturbing possibilities are laid out before me and I have more questions than answers BUT knowing I am powerless over it all is actually a relief. I'm even beginning to celebrate these first signs of recovery. I'm celebrating my recovery from trying to control what I can't control. Things are a little bit quieter. There is a little peace in places that there has never been peace before. Won't you join me as I celebrate my first tastes of recovery?

Pick a Card, Any Card
Age 38

Sharing Your Journey

Identifying codependency in your story:

There are many recovery programs that I can choose from. I can join a support group, work with a qualified counselor, speak with my pastor, surround myself with the support of a few good women and read about the ways I can move towards greater wellness. Regardless of your beliefs, there are steps that you can take to get healthier. Just the simplicity of a good diet and regular exercise can help us get on top of the stuff that is pulling us down. Difficult realities don't have to destroy us. We can choose to get the help we need as part of our personal recovery.

Consider making your journal a place where you can plan your own recovery. Begin by listing the difficult realities you face. Ask God what you should do about these challenges. Write down what you hear Him saying to you. Use two colors as you write: one color for your words and the other color for God's words. Believe you can hear what God has to say.

Make sure you make a plan for getting the support you need. It is not prudent to try to handle more than you can on your own. Support groups and professional services are indispensible weapons for overcoming our greatest difficulties. Churches, counselors and support groups want to help. Take some time to write up your personal support plan inside your journal. Make a commitment to follow your plan so that you can begin to celebrate your own recovery. Trust that God will help you find a place for recovery inside your spiritual story. Make spiritual autobiography your chance to experience recovery!

 

Tags For This Journey: codependency in relationships, identifying codependency, characteristics of codependency, spiritual autobiography, spiritual memoir

A Spiritual Autobiography That Celebrates Recovery: Dancing in the Doghouse

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People I Can Count On
Age 37

Big Hit Grief
Age 38

 

Latest work!

Stump
Age 41

I thought that the passing of the old apple tree in my parents’ backyard would bring me only grief. Every time something dies in their yard it feels so metaphorical: as though the death of everything symbolizes the inevitable death of my parents. How could there be any real joy or peace in that? All that remains of that old apple tree today is a stump. To my wonderment, that stump is a gift: it’s the perfect seat. Now I have a place to sit and watch the old pass away and the new grow. Strangely, there is some joy and peace to be found in that old stump.

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