My Need to Change: Managing Mental Illness

I loved my job as an elementary school teacher, but I was exhausted when I got home. I had an hour commute to work and my work day didn't end until 6pm when the after school program ended. I got back home to my parent’s house at 7pm, ate, graded some papers and got to bed to rest up for another busy day. 

I would have been handling my busy life much better if I could have gotten the rest I needed. Instead, I was still awake at night and I was weary by the time morning came. I was sick a lot and I couldn't stop coughing. I’d become impatient with some things too. I was still holding it together when I worked with the kids, but outside the classroom I couldn't stand things that never used to bother me. A cashier who was really slow, and very nasty as she checked me out, now made me beyond irritated. She dug into me for using the express lane when I had 14 items instead of 12. It made no difference to her that she was handling just one of three completely empty express lanes. Angry Cashier started telling me how much she hated it when people didn’t follow the rules. Her face was red and angry. I felt red and angry inside. We made a fine pair.  

I had completely lost patience for the people who cut me off in traffic. I'd say nasty things to the faceless drivers. A man raced just behind me, at over 85 miles per hour, on my way home one day. He swerved in and out of the traffic and then rode my bumper while I was in the slow lane. Then he sped around me and cut me off. I got really tense. I was finding myself more tense when the pushy drivers got in my way. I didn't like how I felt. The muscles in my shoulders and back were tight. I gritted my teeth. I was anxious. Mostly, I was just very tired.

My life at twenty three, in many ways, was not very different from my life at thirteen. Some things just hadn't changed. Some things that needed to change had become more problematic. I could see the need for change in my life, but I wasn't sure how to bring this change about. I wanted my life, and some parts of myself, to change in big ways. I was searching for a way out of the mess I was in, but I couldn't find it. I needed a solution.  

Do you see the need for change in your life? How would you like your life to be different than it has been in the past? How would you like your life to be different than it is today? Have you asked God to help you in your movement towards change? Ask Him for His help and believe that He will answer you. 

I saw the need for change in my life but I didn’t know where to begin. Anxiety symptoms, combined with an inability to sleep, complicated my continuing fight to overcome mental illness. The mess was part of my inheritance: I wasn’t the first person in my family to struggle emotionally or physically. Fortunately I had someone to guide me toward needed change: a God who wanted me to find my way out of the mess I was in. He was the constant in my life. He was the force behind my spiritual autobiography long before I even realized I had a story to tell.

Issues like mental illness, anxiety, sleep disorders, bipolar disorder, loss of a loved one, depression and anxiety disorders can become the fuel for our stories. What seems to be a curse, properly managed, can become a gift that gives others hope. Spiritual autobiography is an opportunity for us to share our journeys (including the good, the bad and the ugly) so that others like us will find hope and encouragement. Don't be afraid of the force behind your spiritual autobiography. Light can be found in the darkness. Hope is often found where we least expect it. Tell your story.